Driving in Almaty is never boring. Pedestrians, drivers and the road police are constantly developing to new strategies to deal with our ever increasing number of comuters.

Crossing the road in Almaty has always been something of an adventure, both for pedestrians and drivers. Not that it's India or Bangkok or Jakarta mind you, but cars did not stop at crossings in 1990. Infact there were no crossings, except at traffic lights and even then you had to be really sure before you ventured out.

A local friend took me by the hand on my first mid road crossing. She told me that I had to step out with confidence and look the buggers in the eye. Once having established eye contact you could judge if this one was going to let you go or not.

So I practiced this and once having mastered it on smaller roads I began to take on larger challenges crossing large 4 lane roads.

It is easier to wait for a critical mass, who once gathered can in silent agreement barge their way onto the road together knowing that their combined mass rivalled that of the oncoming vehicles and were easier to see. To ensure fast crossing it is best to include in your group

• a babushka (preferably with scarf )
• a dedushka (grandpa) preferably with cane and or kazakh hat
• a mum with small child and possibly carrying a baby (babies come disguised as large pillows with ribbons tied around them in winter)
• an attractive Kazakh or Russian girl in a mini skirt

Large roads are a skill in and of themselves. Having made it half way across the road doesn't mean you are going to get all the way across. You may end up stranded for sometime while both lanes of traffic buzz back and forward past you. One of the problems in Almaty is the fluid nature of traffic lanes. One lane can be two, two can be 3 or even 4. Also the double lines in the middle of the road are at best considered "guidelines" so if you are standing on the double line a car may suddenly decide that it wants to skip around the other cars stuck in the "jam" or "probka" as it is called in Russian, and suddenly you and the car have to negotiate who gets to be on the double line.

Let's walk through an example, literally.... You cross two lanes of traffic and end up in the middle of the road on the double line. From your right you see two lanes of traffic coming but car A decides to drive down the middle of the double line so he can get to the intersection before the other slow pokes. Car A is more than likely to be

• a black jeep - Prado, Toyota or Hummer
• a black mercedes (plus or minus blacked out windows)
• a silver, or white mercedes.

Because men driving Prado (the Devil drives Prado!) are likely to have large bank accounts and believe that stopping for people shows a lack of testosterone, it's up to you to step out of the way. So you step slowly and carefully back into inner lane on the other side to Car A. Cars coming in that lane recognise that you are about to be either run over or squeezed between them and Car A so slow down till you can step back into the middle. Now coming from the other side is Car B who also is driving one of the three forementioned models. So now you repeat this process, again assuring that you don't step in front of the oncoming traffic in the other lanes until they see that you are about to be run over by Car B. Repeat this process as many times as possible until you see a break in the traffic and can run across. It is a kind of Kazakhstani two step and requires, bravery, grace, balance and timing. All Kazakhstani children are required to take dance in preschool which I believe equips them for this daunting task.

If it is winter you must also combine all the above with ice and snow on the road. Some frequently travelled sections become slick with glass like black ice so allow extra stopping time for oncoming cars. If all else fails try crossing at traffic lights.

If both sides of the road are filled with two lanes of stationary traffic or slowly moving traffic, fix your eyes on the eyes of the drivers as you pass between each car, with a "surely you wouldn't knock little old me down would you" look. If you need extra assurance that they saw you, hold out your hand in a STOP signal as you pass between them. Up til 2004-5 this was the recommened system of road crossing by all Almaty dwellers and is still valid on most roads and in other Kazakhstani citizens.

We now actually have painted zebra crossings with proper crossing signs on the side of the road. Near schools these crossings may even have a 40km zone written on the ground before you get there. Cars mostly stop at these. This revolution was brought about by your friendly neighbourhood Gai (traffic cop) who parks his car just past the crossing and waits for his victim. If you are driving and don't stop at the crossing he will jump out and wave his red stick at you. You pull over and try as best as you can to avoid being fined.

There are certain crossings where you know the Gai like to wait, so crossing the road here is reasonably safe but we still recommend caution especially if you see a black Prado or the stretch Hummer wedding limousine coming at you at 80km hr.

Some pedestrians like to cross about 10-20 metres on either side of the crossing and you are never quite sure if you or they should stop. If in doubt beep your horn very loudly and they should back off.

Others prefer to stand at the crossing looking like they about to cross but when you start to slow down they stick out their hand because they want to catch a taxi, pull out their cell phone to call someone, stare blankly at you till you drive away or wave you on like you are creating a public nuisance.

Having trained the Almaty drivers to stop at crossings on the main ring road around Almaty, especially just past Navoi on Alfarabi Rd drivers in peak hour now have to stop for all and sundry and the police have a field day picking up drivers who don't see little Kanat jump off the bus and run straight across the pedestrian crossing.

So in Summer 2009 the Gai moved from the road side to the median strip in the middle of the pedestrian crossing. Poised with their glowing red batons at the ready their victims were now the pedestrians. No more wandering willy nilly and in dribs and drabs across the crossing. The Gai insist that you wait until a reasonable "clump" of pedestrians has gathered and then he will walk out onto the crossing , stop the drivers and wave the pedestrians across.

Two days ago driving my Forester Subaru homeward at 7pm, peak of the peak hr I approached the crossing with caution and saw the policeman waiting. Just as I was about to edge across I noticed to my right a group of pedestrians, led by a youngish babushka (dressed in the obligatory "halat" or house coat) charging out onto the crossing. The policeman did not miss a beat. He was out infront of me and my fellow drivers and halted our progress. He waved his stick at the babushka and she hesitated, her followers waited anxiously, not sure whether to go back or stand there. The policeman yelled and waved his stick but granny held her ground. The policeman yielded and let the group go but followed them onto the medium strip and across the other side of the highway , yelling and waving his stick

So what is a policeman to do with an unruly pedestrian. Its easy with drivers - take our licence, threaten fines, impound our car. What can he do with a pedestrian - take their shoes, give them a ticket, fine them for speeding?

I will not miss the traffic jams, but somehow driving in Australia will probably pretty boring after this1

Left turns, roundabouts, potholes, weaving and other deterents to taking the road in Almaty.

It took us 8 years to get around to buying a car here. The lure of the mountains and a way to get home late at night rather than walking for ages to find a taxi, gradually overcame our commitment to "doing it like the locals" especially when more and more locals were driving. Kind of like my commitment not to wear singlet tops or shorts until I saw the Kazakh grandma in a skin tight version of the former, right outside our flat. That was the beginning of the demise into the life of luxury we now live in. First the singlet top and shorts, then the car, then out of the flat into the house on the ground and then coffee at Gloria Jeans. All a far cry from dried goats cheese, roasted millet in your tea, week old uygur bread and sitting on the floor in yurts. O how the mighty have fallen. 

Anyway back to the car. My biggest fear was driving on the right hand side of the road. That would be scary enough in the US or in Europe, but in Almaty where the lane markings seem to be more "guidelines" and where when you get to a parked car you kind of weave out from behind it, flowing gracely and hopefully without incident into the next lane of traffic rather than stopping and indicating, waiting for a break or someone to left you in like we would do in Australia. The other big road block was turning left. There are very few left turn arrows and the art is to get around the intersection when the yellow warning light starts flashing and be in the intersection before it changes to red. The problem is that the on coming traffic tries to get through till the last microsecond of their green light changing to yellow and the guys on the left are trying to turn across your bows before their light has actually turned green. Pretty narrow window of opportunity!

So lots of crashes at intersections is the rule , not the exception. I would watch Dave turning and try and work out for each intersection how many cars could on average get around. Of course you can always double up as you make your left turn and while you are sitting in the middle of the intersection waiting for the flashing yellow light, the guys behind you might decide you arn't far enough out in the intersection to help them get around on your their turn so they might double or triple up on your inside or outside or even better, come right around in front of you so that they go through before you.  In that situation we hope the cops are waiting around the corner to nab them. The cops conveniently waiting is also handy when you have your intersection fender bender.

By the time I did start driving here about 9 years ago, we had already long surpassed the early glory days when there were only 3 Almaty road rules: Don't hit anyone, don't hit anything and don't fall in any holes. To that was added : how do you tell a drunk is driving in Almaty? He drives in straight lines! ( the rest of us are driving around all the massive pot holes that come every spring due to snow freezing and breaking up the bitumen).

Our first car was  front wheel drive Audi that used to start hesitating when it idiled. So there I was mid intersection with the engine threatening to stall - put it in park and rev the accelerator so it won't die and then quickly back into drive when the yellow starts flashing and I am waiting for the guys in front of me to turn so I can slip past before the policeman nabs me or I stall in the middle again. Overall , not a confidence booster. I would drive blocks out of my way to avoid certain left turns but you can't really drive around a city all day without making the occasional left turn. I would also have to avoid the roundabout on Saina and Djandosova street. 

Round abouts are a whole new challenge of their own in Almaty. In Australia anyone IN the roundabout has right of way over anyone outside the round about so you give way as you come in. Not so here. For example there is a concept of "the main road" . If the main road runs through a round about then all the traffic on the main road has right of way on through the roundabout. The other subtle nuance is that the main road may not go straight ahead - it might curve to the left and up the hill. Just to keep us on our toes the road planners will suddenly change the right of way rule for a particular intersection to see which works best. Police (GAI) are usually conventiently  placed just past the round about so they can pick of any one who happens to be unaware of the change.

In 2001 we finally bought a reliable Mitsubishi space wagon and I found I could get through intersections without incident and began to venture further and further from home. First on Sundays , then late at night and eventually all day any where. 

Things do get worse before they get better and the better has come. After being home in Australia for a year I returned to find that our fellow drivers are now thanking eachother for allowing them to cut in  by flashing their accident lights. Women drivers didn't exist 15 yrs ago and now they fill the streets. They let eachother cut in and occasionally don't queue across the intersections. I guess everyone is sick of fender benders and in this time of "cris" who has money to fix or buy new cars. 

So take the plunge, be ready to "weave", never lose concentration for a second, be ready for the guy on your left to run across infront of you , slam on the brakes to pick up a taxi fare and be ready to have the horn blown at you constantly for all sorts of reasons. Don't lose your cool and always keep a car length ahead (although the other drivers might jump in infront of you). 

Be ready to skate up to the traffic lights on the black ice in winter. So many things to do, so little time.